Crashing down

I was doing so well. And then all came crashing…

I currently spend an average of 16h-18h a day in bed. I have no energy OR will to get out of bed. I didn’t shower for days. Depression is kicking my ass and I’m at a loss. This means I’m skipping work at the moment. Due to my dad’s passing, I’m under the same roof as my mom at the moment, as none of us feel capable of being on our own. The silence without him is deafening.

However, she loves her job and throws herself at it. She’s capable of coping that way. I am not. Been avoiding telling her about this as she is not capable of understanding my way of handling depression, which is pretty much curling into a ball and surround myself by darkness. Yesterday she found out I was on medical leave and did not tell her. I get her being upset, but this is something I am incapable of discussing with her or anyone for that matter. Her answer: “You lost a father, but I lost a husband”…

If I was depressed before…

I wish morning wouldn’t come up for a while…